For those who have been accepted for membership

 

1. Cleanse your literary mind. Abstain from reading any websites, newspapers, or books. We suggest that for neophytes, the following texts are to be read, thrice over, for a period of forty-eight hours: Great Apes by Will Self, The Quantity Theory of Insanity by Will Self, and The Book of Dave by Will Self. If during the course of your literary fast, should happen to pollute your consciousness by accidentally reading a newspaper article or being forced to address email, then perform an emergency, temporal cleanse by reading Tough, Tough Toys for Tough, Tough Boys backwards from p.93 to p.1

 

2. Prepare a shrine at home, using book covers and images of Will Self. Sit, listen, and wait for the whisper of instruction.

 

3. The Ceremony will take place in a chosen location, at midnight, with thirty members present, including five Masters and a Grand Master.

 

4. Preparation for the receiving of the Wafer: cleanse your physical body by fasting for three days before the Ceremony takes place. When you step through the black diaphanous curtains, you will be naked and a gentle chant will be heard in the background. When the Wafer of Will is placed on your tongue, allow it to gently dissolve before swallowing. You will then perform the Dance, followed by the Sacrifice upon the Black Bed, whereupon the Grand Master will ascertain, by psychic communion, whether your soul has been accepted into the W.S.C.

 

5. The surrender: once taken place, there is no return.

 

N.B. The instructions above are provided for those at a Neophyte level. For those who have attained Master or Grand Master status, please email for further instructions.